See Higher.....

A very appropriate photo to illustrate the idea "Don't be upset over gloomy days, seek higher and further and you'll find the sun"

It's a beginning or an end?

New Year 2007! Everything should be new, hope and resolutions should be in everyone, but why? It's not with me at all. Had been feeling very down yesterday night after digging out my old old dear diary from the book shelves and run through all the diaries that I had written all these years. Lokking from when I started going out with a guy during Uni days, when i am having down days with him, when I got my first job, and when i having trouble with my families and the diaries stop during 2003. Since then, havent been putting a word in there but just keep all the low time to myself. Looking back, I did not move forward much, goal is still so vague and i m still not happy or never been happy all these years....I have no idea what will make me happy and even tried to think deeply how should I make myself happy, but I never been able to find a solution till now. Maybe I am like what all said, 
bu gan ji mo'. When there's no one at my side accompanying me, I'm lost or rather starting to feel down by thinking all the unhappy past. I think I should start telling myself to be more independent, to stand on my own whatever it is.

Another Year older!!

Happy New Year!! It's another year older for me without any resolutions ......think my resolutions is to find a resolutions for the year.....HAHA.....

a week in S'pore

Had been down to S'pore for a week. Coming down for an interview at the beginning of the week and free for the whole week. I treat this as an escape out of home. There's good and bad staying with family. Good thing is you can save a lot....and bad thing is you lose the freedom and space for yourself. Had always wanted to get a work out of KL so that I have the reason to stay outside. You may say that I am not filial but I felt that it's a better way for me and my parents. At least in this way we won't quarrel on things that we don't agree mutually. 
2007 is coming around and am getting older. Hopefully the coming year will be better for me (though this year is not that good) and for all too....

24 hours shoot!!!

It had been a long time since i had 24 hours non stop shooting. And this Softlan shoot is tiring and made me realize that i'm getting old.....crew call starts at 5.30am and shoots end at 5 am the next day.....after this....singapore here i come!

lucky? unlucky?

I m not sure whether to say i m lucky or not? every time when i wish for something it won't happen. But after that things realized, but always come at not the right timing......this month i should be having two jobs, one of it was the postponed job from last month. Unfortunately i was unable to take up the job, as i have a few interviews due to attend. I was thinking am I right to give up money for the interviews which still yet to know whether I can get a permanent job a not.....**sigh**

My birthday meal

...overcooked lamb chop.....

My Chinese Birthday Meal at Italiannes ..... (coincidently this year it's just one day apart) . Had a glass of red wine, spaghetti with mussels. Yummy.....


bread with olive oil and vinegar - a very special starter

Toyota DeepaRaya Ad

2nd TVC job. Prep in only 6 days, with 42 talents (dancers) .......luckily is not that hard as TV3's. Have been hearing the song on and on the whole day shoot......and sweeping confetti all day long......and past 12 midnight is my birthday....have to spend half my birthday on bed sleeping after a loong day shoot.....*sigh*

TV3 raya ad preview....

Done this job in 10 days time,rushing jobs with lots of details.....hooo.....and i survived!!!

see we play with 'kerbau' (water buffalo) and imagine it's only used for 2 secs in the commercial, what a waste. And we have 'ayam serama' (a kind of chicken that they rear it as pet, it's petite & corky). Forgot to snap a picture of the BMW and our hero house also......

My first Producing Job

my first producing job ended yesterday. accidentaly deleted the panaromic view of the 'huge' scene, got only this satellite van, which cost over millions dollar and is the one and only one they have. (sounds like a TV commercial) hehehee....

Travel

Do you like to travel? What's ur purpose of travelling? For de-stressing on all the hardship at work? for knowing other countries culture? or just merely for a walk outside the house?
For me travelling is the time for me to talk to my inner self. I love to travel to others countries to see how other people live in the life, how ppl cope with their daily life. Especially love to have a map to strolling by myself looking at the shops, looking at the people and at the same time asking myself what i really want. This is the only time that I can have myself to my own, where I can think......how I wish I have a job just to travel.....that will be extreme wonderful......

Souless body

After all these years, I just realize that I'm a body without soul. I lost my dream, my dreams full of stories are all gone. Have been believing that I need to gain more technical hands on experience on the industry and hence after I grad, I have been pushing myself to grab every chance of production knowledge whenever I can. Yes, I did manage to know how to handle a production but at the same time, I had totally ignore the story telling ability of myself which I had been putting aside for the 5 years. Hopefully it's still not too late for me to start rolling the stone again in polishing my story telling skill now......keep my finger cross....

I Hate This kinda feeling

Why am I always in the position being blame for what I think is right? Why put me in the situation that I must attend to all your call and I doesn't have a choice? or even I'll be blame for being 'too much' just because I don't comply to it.....tf was right, would you start a conversation of no where to your 'ex'? Or even would you take too much care if something happen to your ex family? Not that I won't care, it's just I feel that it's such a 'dilemma' situation .....Till now, I still think that I can't be able to care so much...... call me selfish or whatever.....

test food for Simply Penang

have been shooting the food photography for my cousin's up coming cafe - Simply Penang

My best shot of the day

"Our Brain" a metaphor for "Computer"?? or vice versa

Heard this funny but true statement from a drama series ...

(translated from Cantonese)
" Our brain is like a computer, however, this computer can only have a
certain RAM, it cannot be upgrade to a larger capacity. Hence, we need
to dump the unnecessary memory and fill it all up with the happy
moments.
Forgot about the pasts..."

I guess this is all we need to be able to live strong in this world.....

Bitchology

Found this on my email today, quite true piece of words to share with my frens....;P


"TO ALL BITCHES LIKE ME

BITCHOLOGY

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love,they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way,they
call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it,I am defined as a
bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being
everyone's maid,or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly
am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.


I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every
ounce of beauty
I hold within me. You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch , so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.



B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

Send this to 5 women to put a smile on their face!!

"If you can't do something right,get a woman to do it."
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other, body thoroughly used
up,totally worn out and screaming...Damn, What a ride!!



Life is an attitude:
Attitudes are more important than circumstances!!!

depressed

Was being easily in depression these few days....feel that everything's just not right, but just doean't know how to deal with it....read irene's blog and had the same feeling as hers. I found no one to turn to when I'm in depression, no one to talk to but only to my own little voice. Reading her blog about boycott thing during primary school (we are classmates) really remind me of the bad memories I have during that time. Although now, there's nothing between us friends, but the memories of that time really sadden me. Until now, I can't made myself mix up with people so easily. I prefer to have lunch alone, rather than with my colleagues, cause I can't seem to get myself into their conversations. It's not that I doesn't want to, however there's just no common point for me to put myself in. When come to think of it, it's so funny. Some of the time, I can just easily get acquaintance with some strangers, but some of the time, there's just no click at all. It's so hard to get someone to listen to our heart as we grew older.....

the world is soooo small

read from an ex-colleague archive blog and found out that she's actually a fren of my 3 month old fren - a happy going guy who had committed suicide. This happen 4 years ago. Knew him when I first joined the master part time class. and it's merely 3 months. All of us was shock and super shock on why..... This is like asking why all the time but no one will ever know the answer eventually. Love this sayings of Forest Gump "Life's like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you gets" Chocolates can be bitter and can be sweet. But you can only know once you experience it with your taste bud. That's the reason we shouldn't afraid of experience them and I'm sure one day you will get the "sweets" of life. If we let ourselve to take a step further, at least there's a chance even it's a minimal one, but If we forbid ourselves at the first place, you gain nothing. Life's precious, live it up!!!

Dilemma ...as usual!!

I know i had been missing for the whole month. If you think I'm busy with work, I'm not. Not working for the past whole month and not even a single penny dropping into the pocket. Have been so frustated. If it's not becoz of it's a temporary jobs I wouldn't have accept it. After all this years, I still can't convince myself to do commercials as my living. I don't like the way the Agency's control all, telling you what to do by the fact that they don't know what should be done. Still prefer to be doing TV programmes or documentary where I can learn the cultures and lifes of the people around me. I find myself always in a thirst for various kind of knowledge. Don't know whether this is good or not for me as some will say I'm not focus. Don't know why, it's just I'll be curious over anything that I doesn't know and hope that I can know it in deep. But sometimes when I sit down and think, should I continue to be like that or should I just pick something up and focus in it? Now I'm in dilemma, should I do Commercials for the sake of the money or should I go back to TV for the sake of satisfaction?

Dilemma

"Dear, I am going to XX, just let you know that I have called XXX to ask him to give you a chance for prod work. I think he iwll consider my recommend, anyway i am not sure he is ok or not, but i hope you have a job. keep in touch"

when i saw this sms displayed on the phone, my heart ache. I feel so touching and unexpected that someone whom i thought had always been neglecting my feelings and don't remember my words actually done something to help me....i was totally speechless at that time and tears just fell down uncontrollably. In a way, I never thought to ask him to help, as i just feel that i should get the job by my own means and not through others help. I was always in dilemma when i comes to this situation. I wanted the job, but I doesn't wish that I got the job because of someone's recommendation. If I got the job, I'll be feeling like I am "using" a fren to help me get a job,"using" his "good relationship" with others. I wish that I got it because of my own capability. Maybe someone will says, c'est la vie, we need recommendations in order to reach our goals. But it just can't convince me. Any comments?